the white pick-up truck...

Do you remember the different cars your parents went through while you were growing up? I do. I remember my mom driving a ratty station wagon while my dad was driving a silver Monte Carlo (or so, in my head, these 2 collided in the space time continuum). One day the monte carlo was "stolen". I remember vaguely something about the car being found a few blocks away from the apartment we were living in, stripped of its doors. Then I remember my mom having a used Ford Taurus while my dad had a pick-up truck. After that pick-up truck, that's when he started driving white pick up trucks - Ford F-250s to be exact. The F-150 wasn't big enough for him.

So, the "intentional" car accident (in which my father met his Maker) occurred while driving a new-er F-250 which my grandmother was financing for him. Perhaps in the course of my "therapy" here I'll touch more on how he used my grandmother. Anyway, after the "accident" my husband did a little google research and found an article about it. Including a picture of the scene.

This is the story I got that fateful day:

My phone rang, it was my Aunt Lois, my god-mother and my dad's brother's wife). We didn't hear from my dad's side of the family too much at that point (which was to change after dad's death). So imagine my surprise when she was ringing my cell phone. This is how I remember it:

me: Hey Aunt Lois! What's up?!
AL: Hey hunny, I have some bad news... about your dad... I really didn't want to have to make this phone call to you... your dad's been in an accident, he killed himself.
me: WHAT?! What kind of an accident?
AL: He crashed his truck.
me: What? Was anybody else hurt? (in my head I'm thinking he steered his truck into oncoming traffic)
AL: No, thankfully. He found a road with a tractor trailer parked at the end of it. He drove right into it.

So, my dad drove his white pick-up truck into the back of a parked tractor trailor - are you having the same images I had and still have? Compound that by seeing this picture of the scene of the "accident". With a crane lifting up the remains of the tractor trailor up off of the smashed pick-up truck.

The shittiest part about this whole thing? Apparently there was some guy standing off to the side at some place, I'm not really sure of the surroundings, but I'm told that he saw my dad reverse his pick-up truck, then just floor it to the end. I know what thoughts I have - I can't imagine what kinds of thoughts this poor innocent bystander had or may still have.

Getting to my point - I see white pick-up trucks everywhere. My first day back to work after it happened was hard, and so were the first few months. I travel on I-95, do you know the sheer number of tractor trailors that travel that interstate? It's a lot. Tons. I see them every.single.day. So it's kinda difficult for me to see the rear-end of a tractor trailor. Among the number of white pick-up trucks I see on a daily basis.

After 8 months, it's getting easier.